Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
