They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
