Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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