I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize