i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
