We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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