..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
