I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
