my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
