Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
