Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You made out with two different species that night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
