can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize