this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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