textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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