your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
