Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you didnt know i had herpes?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
