when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
