I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
