I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize