at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
