My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
