My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
