the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
