i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
