I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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