areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
