lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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