Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Houston, we have a blender
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
