Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
