also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
