she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
