JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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