Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
