i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
