he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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