dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
