If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
