Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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