The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My ass is underappreciated
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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