With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you win again, gameday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
