he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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