Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
