I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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