she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
