my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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