He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
