I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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