i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
