I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
