Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
