I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I want a musical about memes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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