i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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