you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
