It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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