escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
