The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
