Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My vagina just recognized that song.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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