I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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