Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
