you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
