before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
