I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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