This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
