We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize