One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
