a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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