Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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