I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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