3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
