Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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