We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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