just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
