This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
