I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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