im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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