how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
